The Recovered Life Show

Announcer: You're listening to the Recovered Life Show, the show that helps people in recovery live their best recovered lives. And here is your host, Damon Frank.

Damon Frank: Welcome back to Recovered Life. It is Damon Frank, and I am here with always our favorite, George Snyder, life and recovery strategist. How are you doing today, George?

George Snyder: Hey, Damon. Good. Good to see you.

Damon Frank: Really good to see you. I've got a really great topic today that we were discussing on a phone call the other day. And it is danger zones. That's what we're calling it. When you know that you could possibly be in danger, because the holidays are happening right now and a lot of parties going on. George, when do you know, and what should you do about the danger zone topic?

George Snyder: You know, I think what happens is you get caught up in the flurry of activities and obligations. "Oh, I got to go here. Got to go there. Got to take care of that." And you can slide into these situations before you're even aware of it. Do you know what I mean? I think it's about not really being present. I can really get out of myself, out of my body during the holidays and just get caught up in the past, in the future. As soon as this, as soon as that, and before you know it, you're suddenly in a situation where you're like, "Did I really agree to this? Does this make me..." And you have to be cognizant of that. Does that make sense?

Damon Frank: Yeah, I think awareness is really the big topic, right? Because one of the things that I know is that when you're going into a party or going into a situation that might be tricky for you, it might trigger you to do stuff. And you know, a lot of people that watch this also are new to recovery, right? And so they haven't really been in situations like that. I always say you have to have awareness. You have to be in the right here and now, and you have to check in with yourself before, during, and after those kind of situations.

George Snyder: And be with the right people. You know, I say it all the time, everything's contagious. So you want to hang out with the people you're going to catch what they got. So I think a wingman, a wingwoman, being aware. I mean, it depends. Early recovery, sometimes we're so hyper-aware of what we don't want to do, we can almost get through them without realizing it. It can be a little later down the line when it's sort of like, "Oh, I did that. That's not so big." And suddenly it's like, "What's in this eggnog?" You're like, "Oops." So there's that.

Damon Frank: You do have to have a level of awareness about you, about what's going on when you're in those situations. And, you know, many people find themselves during parties in bars or in people's homes or at parties or situations where somebody just literally gives you some sort of alcohol or drug, right? And you're there. And if you haven't really thought through and kind of role-played that about how you would do that and how you would get out of that, and you're not aware, all of a sudden you're in trouble.

George Snyder: Right. I think too, one of the things I always suggest, what's the point? And the point I think for a lot of us in the holidays is people are trying to be nice. People aren't trying to get you high, get you... well, maybe some are, but for the most part, people are just trying to be hospitable. And if then my rule is, go early, so they know you're there, and don't say goodbye. Because once the party gets going, they're not going to miss you. What they're going to remember is that you came early and you were present.

Damon Frank: Yeah, yeah, exactly. And I think know your limits too. Like I was talking with somebody the other day and he's new to recovery and he was saying, "You know, I know that past 7:30 this is going to be a place that's going to be very uncomfortable for me." He goes, "But between the times of 5:00 and 7:30, there's a real reason for me to be at this event." And so he's now, you know, he's kind of rehearsed this with himself. So he knows when he gets there, he's going to make his exit around 7:25.

George Snyder: Right. I used to think it was rude, because things would start getting serious and I thought it would be impolite not to say I'm leaving. And that's when you get, "No, no, man. Now we're just going to... no, body shots, man. No, you can't leave now." So I learned that better to just slip away, because they're not going to miss you. They're only going to miss you if they think you're trying to break the party up, you know?

Damon Frank: And as your true friends, if you're true friends, if you're really feeling uncomfortable, you mentioned the thing with the wingman, right? And having a wingman or wingwoman that is by you, somebody that you can really trust to say, "Hey, I'm feeling really uncomfortable. I think I have to leave." And you know, and that's okay. It's better to leave people upset or wondering what happened than leave there in a bad position.

George Snyder: They never notice you've gone. They remember that you were there because you were present when you were there early. That's the key. Again, and this is COVID Christmas time, you know, so we're quick to say, "Oh, there won't be any parties." Oh yes there will. And a lot of these situations will start out, "No, no, we're going to be very careful here and we're going to be very socially distant." But get things rolling and suddenly we get a little lax. So one more time, great reason to show up early, be grateful, be pleasant, be in that holiday spirit, and then slip away.

Damon Frank: Yeah, these are all really, really great danger zone warning signs, right? And I think just to recap, we've gone over them, is accountability. It's like kind of an awareness. It's like, "Okay, look, I'm going to a situation that might be bad. I'm aware of that." And checking in before with people, having people that support you be your wingman or wingwoman around it. And then also having that plan, right? Having that plan of when you're going to go and when you're going to leave and when enough is too much for you.

George Snyder: Right.

Damon Frank: Great topics here. Great seeing you, George, and I can't wait for our next talk.

George Snyder: Have a great COVID Christmas.

Damon Frank: Bye.