The Recovered Life Show

Should people in recovery still identify themselves as alcoholics?

Is it helping us? Is it hurting us?

We're going to get into it in this episode.

[Music - Recovered Life Show Intro]

You're listening to the Recovered Life Show. The show that helps people in recovery live their best recovered lives.

And here is your host, Damon Frank.

And welcome back to the Recovered Life Show. We've got a good episode for you today.

Something that a lot of people have been talking about. I know this is a hot button issue for a lot of people.

The word 'alcoholic'. Identifying as an alcoholic. Is this good for us?

Because a new article by the Harvard Gazette came out, by Cy Bols.

And let me tell you, it kind of says no. It says the term conjures outdated stereotypes about an illness.

So I want to dive into this a little bit. Part of the whole identity, if you're in a 12-step group,

is you start every share by identifying that you're an alcoholic. We start every meeting identifying that we're all alcoholics.

Matter of fact, I was in a 12-step meeting the other day and the first thing they say is are there any other alcoholics present?

And everybody has to raise their hand. And if you don't, everybody looks at you.

But is it good for us? And this is... I have to tell you, this topic is one of the hot button issues I see on TikTok.

When I named the brand and the podcast 'The Recovered Life Show', some of the biggest hecklers I get

are people who say you can't say that. You can't say that you're recovered. You can only say that you're an alcoholic.

And I would get into it with people. I'd bring people on stage on TikTok, I'd talk to people personally.

I have friends that have said, 'I don't like the word that you're saying that you're recovered.'

And I'm like, why would you not want to say the word recovered? This has baffled me for quite some time.

But listen, culturally, we've been kind of programmed and we've been said we identify as alcoholics.

Now here's the thing. I think it really depends on what you mean by alcoholic when you say it.

For me, it does not have a negative connotation. But just because it doesn't mean anything negative to me,

does not mean that it does not mean something negative to other people.

And I agree with this Harvard Gazette that it does conjure an outdated stereotype about an illness that affects a lot of people.

And I want to get into a little bit about why I think maybe, maybe it's time that we let go of this term alcoholic.

And the reason I say this is I've started to notice something. I saw this, this is what made me think years ago,

when I was in a 12-step meeting and somebody started to share and they didn't identify as an alcoholic.

And the peer pressure and the heckling that this person got... 'Who are you? Who are you?'

As if they had to identify as somebody who was in active alcoholism. I thought, this is uncomfortable.

Is the person really an alcoholic anymore? Yes, we suffer from alcoholism. We're all in there, obviously,

because we suffer from alcohol or addiction. And why I think maybe it's time to leave this term

as far as identifying as it for every share, every participation... We've noticed over a period of time

that there are more people that come into recovery meetings that aren't just alcoholics. They have other things going on.

And I've been to several groups where people will start a share saying they're alcoholic, but really they're a marijuana addict.

They never had an alcohol problem. Matter of fact, I know somebody who told me, 'I feel really weird, I always have to identify as an alcoholic,'

but in reality, I'm not an alcoholic, I'm an addict. And people say just don't worry about it, identify as an alcoholic and move on.

And yes, I would say recovery is recovery, do what you have to do to get recovered. But should we be saying this?

Is it accurate for everybody that is in these addiction recovery meetings? And I would say overwhelmingly no now.

In addition, is it good for us in recovery to identify as the problem when we are recovered?

What is sexier? 'Hey, I'm an alcoholic' or 'I've recovered from alcoholism'?

I don't know about you, but if I was a newcomer, I want people who have recovered.

If I'm getting my car fixed, I want somebody who can fix cars. And I think many old-timers have a hard time saying recovered

because they think there's a curse behind it. I will admit I was one of these people too.

That there's somewhat of a curse, like don't say the word recovered because for God forbid, that's a curse

and then all of a sudden you're not recovered. There is a little bit of a mythology behind this. But is it accurate?

And is it good for our identity? Although I think defining yourself as an alcoholic early on to understand what you suffer from...

But after you're doing it, I don't really think it's really good anymore because I see people trapped in the identity of being an alcoholic.

They eat too much dessert during their birthday... it's because they're an alcoholic. They have personal relationships...

it's because they're an alcoholic. It becomes this huge scapegoat for people. 'Well, that's because I'm an alcoholic.'

And I would say as somebody who's been in recovery for decades that that's not necessarily true.

It isn't just because you're an alcoholic. It could be because you have trauma. It could be you have a food issue.

It could be that you had no behavior modification. That you got sober, you identified that you were suffering from alcohol,

and you just stayed there. But for the people who have done behavior modification, who have stayed sober a year, five years, a decade...

I know people sober for 50 years and they're uncomfortable saying that they have recovered from alcoholism.

You have not drank for 50 years. You drank for 10 years of your life. You're now in your late 80s. You have recovered from alcoholism.

Now yes, you are also in recovery. But I think you're more recovered and in recovery than an alcoholic.

I think you suffered from alcoholism and you found recovery and now are recovered from it.

And the feedback I get when I say this... you don't even know the hate I get on TikTok about using this term.

People are, a lot of old-timers are pissed when you say you have recovered.

Now, I'm not getting into semantics to say if you constantly relapse, you're not an alcoholic. All that is crazy talk.

But constantly identifying as an alcoholic... who is this benefiting? If it is keeping you in an identity of brokenness,

is this helpful? And why would we all be at a 12-step meeting if we didn't have this issue?

I understand maybe when it first started we would have to say the word alcoholic because people did not discuss alcoholism,

they did not know what alcoholism was. But now you have people posting on Facebook, 'Hey coworkers, guess what? I'm no longer drinking.'

We're not in that same place culturally. And are we perpetuating a stereotype that actually hurts us?

Because they don't want to identify as that stereotype. Yes, I suffer from alcoholism, but am I an alcoholic now that I'm in recovery?

I see people go from being trapped from alcoholism and drug addiction and move right into being trapped from the identity

that they have told themselves that they are alcoholic. It becomes their identity. I would even say it became my identity

for a period of my recovery. And I think maybe it's time we let go of that. That we identify with the solution, recovered and recovery,

and we let go of identifying as the problem. My name's Bob, I'm an alcoholic. Maybe it's time.

Maybe it's time we let go of this. And as the Harvard Gazette article goes into detail,

maybe that term was used to describe an old model as a permanent feature of your personality, or even a moral weakness.

It implies illness is a feature of the person's identity or personality. 'Well, it's because I'm alcoholic.'

And this is why I think in the 80s, as this article details, the term was changed to alcohol abuse, alcohol dependence, alcohol use disorder.

Is it time that maybe we let go of that and stop stigmatizing ourselves? I don't hear cancer survivors walking around saying 'I'm cancer.'

And I feel we've put ourselves in a position where we want it both ways. We want to say it's a disease,

and then at the same time we have these long periods and sometimes people's whole lives that they recover from alcoholism

and then still define themselves as... my name's Stu, I'm cancer. People wouldn't do that. Why are we doing it here?

Is it time? Is it time as what the Harvard Gazette said, maybe it's time to let go of this?

I know this is a touchy subject. It's an episode I've wanted to do forever, but it was an episode I was afraid to do.

Because on one side I feel like it's the truth, we should identify as being recovered. On the other side,

there is such the stigma of breaking from the pack that it makes you look or you feel that you're being disingenuous.

Is it time? Go out live your best recovered life guys.