The Recovered Life Show

Cecil Gailey Jr.: My wife mentioned to me the other night, she says, "When are you going to retire? You said you were retiring." I says, "I am retired. I'm doing what I want to do now."

Damon Frank: And welcome back to The Recovered Life Show. I am pleased to have my guest, Recovered Life contributor, Cecil Gailey Jr. on the line. How you doing, Cecil?

Cecil Gailey Jr.: I'm doing great, Damon. Glad to see you, glad to see you're doing good, and I'm doing great. Happy to be here.

Damon Frank: Oh, I'm so glad that you're back on the show with us. You know, what the show that you did, I think it's about six months ago, is one of our most watched shows. And I thank you so much for that. Your honesty and your ability really to tell the truth. You have long-term recovery in both mental health and addiction. And so I'm so thrilled to talk with you about this topic that we have today, which is recovery over the age of 50.

Cecil Gailey Jr.: Yeah, who would have thought? Who would have thought?

Damon Frank: Who would have thought? We're both over the age of 50. Who would have thought that that would one- we'd ever be saying that. I know a lot of people that are listeners are doing the exact same thing. They're going, "What? I never thought I would be over 50." But now we have boomers and older Gen X-ers getting older, they're getting sober, they either have long-term sobriety or they're starting to get sober now. And this is a real thing we're seeing in the Recovered Life community. So I'm so glad that you're here to talk with me about that. Cecil, what's the deal with all these people getting sober over 50?

Cecil Gailey Jr.: You know, I just think it's so much in the conversation nowadays. And that doesn't just- that conversation isn't just coming from the addiction field, but it's coming from the mental health end of it. You know, I think people are talking and- and maybe a conversation, someone has a conversation and says, "Hey man, you know, you'd be clearer headed. You know, you- you might not be having-" They may be having conversations with their doctors, with other people, just family members and talking about longevity. I mean, I think that happens when you get older, you start talking about your quality of life and what that's going to look like. And, you know, first thing I would think of, you know, I quit in my mid-forties, quit using alcohol and drugs. But, you know, I think as I would have got older and I- and I was already starting to consider it, that it was really starting to wear and tear on the body. So- and I think we start thinking about going into that golden age and we don't want that, you know.

Damon Frank: I agree. I agree. And you know, it's interesting because I talk with a lot of people that are even older boomers and they tell me, Cecil, that as far as mental health and addiction, that they've seen with their friends an increase after COVID. That COVID was for some reason more devastating for people over the age of 50. And you know, and I'm trying to think why is that? I think it's because we had a, you know, especially boomers had a way of life where they did a lot of things face to face. They maybe were able to keep mental health issues or addiction at bay. And then now that they're totally isolated and many have never come back, you know. I mean, I know a lot of 12-step groups I've had that were involved in and friend groups and stuff never really came back after COVID. Do you think COVID is one of the reasons?

Cecil Gailey Jr.: I- I think it is one of the reasons. And I think the reason being is I feel lucky because the job I had at the time of COVID, the job I'm retiring from in the next month, required me to start embracing technology when COVID showed up. I barely could- barely could do a Zoom link or Zoom meeting, you know, didn't have any idea about any of that. And we had to switch all our groups. Everything we did with- with clientele at the time. And I- and just so- just to give a little context, I've worked as a peer recovery specialist in the mental health field for the last 15, 16 years. So- so in order to still do those groups, we had to do it- we had to do it online. But, so here's where I'm going is the average boomer, the average person that's over 50 that didn't- didn't do that and what- already wasn't online, probably didn't hop online. And they became- all of a sudden there's isolation, the isolation hit. And maybe with that isolation an increase in drinking, maybe if they were inclined to do drugs, maybe they were doing drugs occasionally and all of a sudden that stepped up because, you know, you couldn't just- you know, I don't know how it was where you were at, but here you couldn't just run down to the store. I mean, you were masked up, people are screaming at you if you didn't have your mask on. Yes. I remember seeing a little old lady in the store, masked up, so scared. I mean, and it looked like she she just looked so- I mean, just frightened.

Damon Frank: I mean, do you think fear has something to do with this too? Because I think that when people- people- I know for me, you know, I have long-term recovery and I know for me, being involved in 12-step groups, being involved in friend groups, you know, I- you know I'm a firm believer on Recovered Life and I say this all the time, whether it's on TikTok lives, the Recovered Life Show, or in the community: connection, building relationships, investing in other people, investing and being a participant is really the key to a long-term happy recovery in both mental health and addiction. And I think this ability for- for- it to be harder to do that now, less location- and I remember when all that was taken away, I loved it at first because, look, we love isolation as well. And then it started to wear on me a little bit. I was like, oh my God, I gotta, you know, I have to make- the relationships that I organically would get by just stopping by somewhere, hanging out somewhere, that was gone. That was gone. I had to actually put a lot of effort into the participation. So I could see what you're saying about how if you don't know technology, if you don't know how to do Zoom, if you don't know how to do any of this, you're kind of in a way screwed.

Cecil Gailey Jr.: Yeah, you really- you really are. I mean, I was lucky in a lot of aspects. I have a son and daughter who are, you know, they've grown up with technology. I bought them technology from the time they were little, you know. Long story short, I had my son tearing a computer apart, putting more RAM in it when he was nine years old, telling me how to do it. And I'm like- and people are like, "You're letting him tear into that?" you know. But anyway, let me- don't let me get too far off track, but older people didn't do that. We didn't know that- we didn't know that stuff. You know, this sounds funny, but, you know, my first computer, I thought it came with a coffee holder. Well I didn't realize that's not a coffee holder and- and I joke about stuff like that, but that's what technology looks like to an older person. But I think you were talking about- you asked me about how come it's taking off now and people are starting to? Because I think older generation is finally starting to embrace some of this technology. The ones that didn't get left behind. There's a lot of them that got left behind, they're trying to catch up now.

Damon Frank: Yes. Yeah.

Cecil Gailey Jr.: And I was one of those in a lot of ways. You know, I- I learned the Zoom and I did all that, but I hadn't really did- I didn't do social media during COVID. So I missed out on the whole TikTok boom, you know.

Damon Frank: Yeah, yeah. And you're big on TikTok now, which is a great thing. I saw you- you were in my TikTok, you know, the other day. And you know, I think it's interesting what you say about this is that there is that demarcation line where you have to kind of stretch a little bit. Now I'm a generation below you. So I'm an X-er. So the X-ers are still really active in, you know, we're- we're working, we're still doing all that other kind of stuff. You're in the generation that is either starting to retire or retiring. Do you think that mindset has a little bit to do with this as well about why people are suffering more mental health issues and more addiction over 50 now? Do you think it's mindset? Do you think that really we came from a generation, especially your generation of, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, don't talk about it, figure it out. Figure this out, Cecil. No one's going to save you. What, you're going to go to a group? Like, you know, that is kind of the mindset, I think, of a lot of people that are over the age of 50.

Cecil Gailey Jr.: Yeah, well it is. It- it is the mindset. And I just recently did- did something on a podcast for that, about that, about that exact subject. Because we grew up- I grew up in a generation of like- like, rub- rub dirt in it. Don't- don't talk about it. Find some- way of- coping might have been drinking, you know. And that's why the addiction piece I think stepped up so much when COVID happened, you know, because that was a coping mechanism for a lot of people. Drinking, isolating, which- and with drinking and isolating becomes- you know, becomes addiction issues, becomes depression, anxiety. The anxiety, think about the anxiety issues that from COVID. You know, just going out, being afraid to be around people. Hey, I don't want to get the COVID. People were dying, you know, people were dying right and left. I lost a few people that I knew that died of- died of COVID. And they were fine the week before. And a week later, you're like, "Uh, you know, so-and-so's- so-and-so's not with us anymore? No, he died of COVID."

Damon Frank: Well I think- I think people are also waking up too. I think, you know, that pull yourself up by the bootstraps as you get older, you start to realize some of the missteps, right? And you, and just to- just to throw this out, you mentioned the podcast. I'm just going to tell everybody right here and I'm going to announce it again, but Cecil is actually a Recovered Life contributor and a new contributor has his own podcast, "Boomer in Recovery," where he talks about all this stuff. So you guys have to check that out too. We're going to put a link in the show notes so you could check him out and then also connect with him in the Recovered Life app. But don't you think, Cecil, that this- this idea is starting to melt away now that- that- that I think the older generation is saying, "You know what? Maybe I can talk about mental health. Maybe I can talk about I'm drinking too much. Maybe I can ask for help." Because I'm seeing this a lot in our community. Matter of fact, the growing number of people that are having the biggest awakening are the people that are over 50.

Cecil Gailey Jr.: Yeah. Well I think I see- I'm a member of that same community. So I see the people coming in, going to the meetings that are doing the meetings and coming in and visiting- visiting the- the Recovered Life site and stuff. It's all- all kinds of demographic, but I see the people that are embracing it, the ones I'm noticing. And- and maybe I'm noticing it because I am over 50, you know. I'm over 60, hell. I'm closing in on 70, buddy.

Damon Frank: You look great.

Cecil Gailey Jr.: Yeah, anyway, I notice they're really- once they get involved and once they- they- it is- they- they are so enamored with the fact that they can get on and talk about something. And I think when a person- if they just get a taste of that, it- it happens. And- and the key frame- key- maybe the key frame is- is that maybe their kids are encouraging them. Maybe other members of- maybe through their- through their church, you know, different things to get back out and live life. You know, COVID- COVID, yeah, COVID's there and it's still out there. But you know what? We're- we're- we're getting back into living, you know. That's what I- that's the way I look at it. I'm getting back into living. I'm- I'm looking at retirement. It used to be back in the days, if you want to go- if you want to go full boomer, back in the days you retired, you might- you might do a few things, take a few trips, but basically you sat home, maybe worked in your garden in the morning, slept in your chair in the afternoon, watched a maybe a little baseball on TV- I'm thinking of my grandfather- and went to bed. You know, had supper and went to bed. I see this new generation of- of boomers and Gen X-ers that are- that are coming- let me ask you, I- because I always get them mixed out. Gen X-er or millennial?

Damon Frank: X-er. Millennials are under us. We- we raised the millennials.

Cecil Gailey Jr.: Okay, okay. See, that's- that's- that's a boomer- that's a boomer.

Damon Frank: There's too many- first of all, there's too many letters and acronyms for me.

Cecil Gailey Jr.: I can't- I can't- I can't keep them all straight. But you know what? They're encouraging. And I- and a lot of the stuff I do, I see younger people and- and there's a lot of- sometimes I hear people, I'll hear people from my generation that are isolated and stuff. And when they talk about the younger generations, they really aren't very positive about it. But I think once you get out there and you start experiencing it, man, there's a- it's a whole new world. It's a whole new world. And that's one of the reasons I want to come on this show. I mean, it's one of the reasons I'm doing the things I'm doing is because I want to encourage people to embrace life, embrace whatever you want to call it- recovery. I, you know, I think living life in general, you don't have to have had addiction or mental health or anything. You can just be in a recovery mode, you know, just a- just a recovery mindset. And that's just because that's just not staying stagnant. That's learning new things, doing new things, looking at the way- looking at the world in a new way.

Damon Frank: Well you know, we talked about this when you came on as a contributor and you said, "I really want to focus on the boomers." We were talking about how being a boomer now, being the older generation that's starting to retire, in retirement, that stuff. A lot of things happen. But it- like you were talking about your grandfather, you're not living that same life. Most of the people I know in retirement are not living that same life. They are out doing things. Matter of fact, for many people it's a- it's a huge reboot into a whole other new active life. I mean, we were talking about all the stuff that you're doing as a contributor with Recovered Life and you're like, "Man, I'm going to be busier than I was when I was working in mental health full-time."

Cecil Gailey Jr.: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely, man. I- my wife mentioned to me the other night, she says, "When- when are you going to retire? You said you were retiring." I says, "I am retired. I'm doing what I want to do now."

Damon Frank: Yes, yes. And you know, isn't- isn't it really about this focus? Because I think before it was like you get sick, you get sick. Now there's much more- I think boomers now know there's much more life out there for me and I have to take care of some of these things. If I have anxiety, depression, any mental health issues. If I- if I- a lot of boomers have PTSD and- and things like that. That- you- I have to take care of myself because there's a lot more life to live.

Cecil Gailey Jr.: Well there is. And there, you know, the thing as a boomer- and as most people, not necessarily even a boomer, but most people have some- some trauma, have a history of trauma. And I have a history of trauma. I have trauma that I didn't even think about as being trauma. And I took something called the ACEs test and it's Adverse Childhood Experience- anyway, it's- it's things that happened in your childhood. And I never thought about my childhood as being traumatic, but I failed that test miserably. And so I thought, well maybe if that's there in the background, maybe that's some trauma that I actually need to deal with and talk about. You know, I need to talk about my parents' divorce and growing up with alcoholic parents and- and let's just rub dirt in it, let's not talk about it, and some of those things. And which I've worked really hard to do and to have conversations about what's going on, my thoughts and feelings. And it's the first time in my life, even- even working in the recovery field, it's been the first time in my life in the last four or five years that I've even had those conversations. You know, I've had those conversations with my wife, my kids, you know. I have some friends that are therapists, I've talked with them. I never- you know, just a- full disclosure here, I- I have not- I've never been to a counselor per se. I've talked to plenty of people that are in the counseling field because of the- because of what I do. But maybe I got a lot of free counseling I didn't know I was getting. But, you know, I think you just got to deal with it and- and get on with it and then have that whole mindset, that recovery mindset. I'm going to learn, I'm going to grow and I'm going to- I'm going to- I want to- I don't know how everybody else feels, Damon, to tell you the truth. But I know what? I don't want to be sickly in retirement. You know, I've seen- I've just seen too many people the older generation, they retire and the old adage is they retired and they might as well- they- they- they just- they might as well- they just laid down in their grave, you know. And I don't think that's the- I don't think that's the attitude nowadays. I got a- I got a friend on TikTok, her name's Kim and I won't use her last name because I don't have permission. But she's across the pond and man, when you talk- she's doing- she's doing her TikTok thing and she's talking about the things to do and, you know, just doing the whole thing. And I get such great ideas from her and- and I think that when we network- and I that's where I'm going at, when we network and we connect with each other and start bouncing those ideas off each other and we hear, "Hey, so-and-so talked about it," and, you know what? The world didn't come to an end. You know, I hopped- I hopped in a meeting over here in Recovered Life and I shared something that was really personal to me and it was big and scary. The world didn't come to an end. Actually I got a lot of support, you know. So-

Damon Frank: And I think that's the amazing thing, like some of the things that we're doing on Recovered Life is that we have people that are in their late 20s, early 30s, even younger, getting sober. I was on a meeting this morning and there was somebody there that was in their late 20s and then there was somebody there that was in their 70s. And they are fast friends. And it's so interesting that every- you know, the- the ability that when they started to connect and I could see that friendship going and they consider each other really good friends and they're getting something from each other. You know, they're getting something from each other. And- and that is the most amazing thing. What do you think, Boomer in Recovery, the podcast that you're going to be doing, what- what can people expect from this podcast? What kind of stuff are you going to be talking about?

Cecil Gailey Jr.: You know, I think we're going to be talking about real things. You know, right now- right now I'm early on, just- just finished, I had it- just finished and put it in drafts. But, you know, we're just talking- right now we're talking about old adages, you know, the old attitudes and stuff like that. And as we move along through it we'll talk about all kinds of different subjects: anxiety, depression, you know, what- what do you do? What do you do when the wife retires? What do you do when when you retire, you know? What's that look like? You know, we're going to talk about a lot of different subjects. And it's going to be, and like- like in my- in my first one I talked about, this isn't going to be a polished produced podcast, you know. It's going to be from my heart and we're just going to talk about real subjects that interest people boomers, family members of boomers and people that want to connect with boomers, you know. And people- people that want to be in the recovery community and just live a better life. So and I'm going to talk- I'm going to try to talk about all those subjects and I don't want it just- the thing I don't want it to be about is just straight addiction. Because there- we are so much more than that if we're a person that had addiction issues.

Damon Frank: I- I so agree. I so agree. Guys, you guys can find out more about that by going to boomer.recoveredlife.tv. I'm going to put a link in the show notes. We're going to do an after-the-show next here, Cecil, for the Recovered Life Plus subscribers, all about the fears of being a boomer. So guys, if you guys definitely want to check that out if you're a Recovered Life Plus subscriber. Cecil Gailey Jr., so thrilled to have you on the Recovered Life network and your new show "Boomer in Recovery." Thanks so much for coming on today.

Cecil Gailey Jr.: Hey, thanks for having me, Damon. I appreciate it and I'll see you in the after-show.