The Recovered Life Show

[00:00] We often talk about letting go in recovery. Let go, let God, just let it go. It sounds so great on a bumper sticker. But you know what's actually life-changing, what actually stops the mental bleeding? It's not just letting go of the past. It's letting go of the outcome. I'm talking about getting to a place where you look at your future, your business, your relationships, and you honestly say, "This is my intent. This is what I want, but I'm going to be good either way." Either way, I'm going to be good. Because until you do that, you're just a hostage to your own expectations.

[01:10] You're listening to the Recovered Life Show. The show that helps people in recovery live their best recovered lives.

[01:23] And welcome back to the Recovered Life Show. So good to see everybody here today. Thank you so much for tuning in. I appreciate you. Uh, this episode I want to talk about something that has evolved in my recovery over the last several decades, and that is being good either way. You know, I was a very big "let go, let God" guy. That was kind of drilled into me in 12-step groups, spiritual groups. Just let it go, let go, move on, let it go. Let go of the outcome, let go of this, let go of that. But it was tough. I have to be honest, letting go sometimes is tough.

[02:18] And there's different parts of letting go, and that is the first part of it: how is it going to happen? That was the first part that I had to let go of, was how everything was going to happen. Who was going to come in to do this thing that I thought I wanted done. But really, at the end of the day, the reality of it is, that wasn't really letting go.

[02:49] And, you know, having a very ADHD mind, my mind moves very fast, I'm easily distracted, um, I can get anxiety about like, why is this not happening? Why is this one thing I want not happening? I'm doing everything I need to do, I'm showing up... You almost get a resentment against yourself for why it's not happening.

[03:19] I'm going to give you a good example of this. Um, I had a recent situation in one of my businesses where things were just not working. Things were not working in a particular area, and I could not figure it out. And I got to a place where other people around me in recovery were saying, "Well, you know, you've just got to let this go. You've got to let it go. You've got to just do what you've got to do, and then you let it go." But I'm very outcome-oriented. And I did start to let go of *how* it was going to happen, because I had a very clear idea about how this was going to happen. So as I started to let go of how it was going to happen, I also got to a point where I still had the anxiety because I was still attached to the outcome.

[04:22] Because I realized that my brain, my thinking sometimes, will take a perfectly good opportunity and turn it into a federal case by Tuesday. I can paralyze myself with the "what-ifs," trying to manage the future outcome as if I have some sort of control—and I'm realizing I don't. I have very little control.

[04:56] So where was the pivot for me, and why I wanted to do this episode is, many people see this happening in their own lives. They've let go to a certain degree—maybe how it's going to happen, or if it's going to happen this way or that way—but the issue is we're still labeling the outcome. "If the outcome happens this way, it's good. If it happens this way, it's bad." And that's what was happening with me. I was letting go to a certain degree, but when it came to the outcome, I was labeling. And that's a certain type of torture because that's not letting go at all.

[05:48] So the pivot that I have made over the years is to abandon my old idea of what it was to let go. And this happens a lot in recovery, is that we will go through our recovery, we will go through our lives, and what will happen is we will get to a point where we have a new perspective on a spiritual principle we thought we already understood and were working. And this is what happened with me, and I started to pivot to a better system that worked for me in order to let go more fully and completely.

[06:33] So let me break that down for you a little bit because, my circuit breaker in my head, I had to separate the intent from the outcome. And instead of saying, "This is what I want to have happen, this is what's going to happen," I started saying, "This is my intention." And this was the big first shift for me because when I just started to—I stopped setting goals. Over 30 plus years of recovery, I was the guy who set goals every year. And I remember the year, several years back, where I said, "I'm not going to set goals this year." Because I realized I was setting goals, trying to achieve them, very much locked into the outcome. A lot resided in whether that goal was successful based on how I thought that outcome appeared. And what I found was I was choking myself off from other options.

[07:56] So my big pivot was like, that's it. I'm just going to set intentions. I'm going to say, "Look, this is my intention. This is what I want to see happen." You know, I did this with Recovered Life. I let go of the goals. "It's going to happen on TikTok. It's going to happen on the podcast. This is the way—no, it's only going to be Substack. It's going to be the app." I let go of that. I said, "My intention is to help people live their best recovered life. I'm open to however that happens." But there was a part of me that was still attached to the outcome of this, that if the outcome came this way, I'd say, "Well, that was unexpected because I thought it should be this way." And it would cause anxiety within me. And then I would try to reframe the conversation, but I was still trapped in the outcome. And not until I started to look at the outcome as being good either way.

[09:12] And at first, I'm going to tell you friends, this was very, very tough for me because I said, "Well, if I say I'm good either way, I'm being lazy. I'm not caring. I'm not manifesting well. I'm not being a good recovered person because I'm too laissez-faire," you know? But it was the ultimate power move. And what I found is, it's putting 100% of my effort into play because you're detached from labeling the outcome. It's not that I don't want an outcome; I have an intent of an outcome. But by saying I'm good either way shifts something. Something magical happens when that—when you—when you start to look at your outcomes as good either way. There's a kind of magic in it.

[10:20] And what I found is, is that this was the big shift. I stopped choking out opportunities because the energy changed around the intention. The intention, when I stopped setting goals and started setting intentions, there was a huge shift. But now that I have linked intention with "good either way," this has been the game-changer.

[10:55] And what I realized is, is that when I was good either way, I can—I'm open to receive all the things that are coming at me that I was unable to even see when I was trapped into outcome-oriented thinking. And look, guys, our society is outcome-oriented thinking. I tell people this all the time. People will come to our TikToks and they'll come to our live streams, they'll come to our community events, and they'll say, "Well, you know, I'm struggling to get sober. I can't really get sober. I can't, you know, I'm in, I'm out." They're so attached to the mechanics of it. And there is benefits to the mechanics of it. And I say, "You know what? Set the intent that you want to get and stay sober. Do—show up and do the work around that, but detach from the outcome. You're good either way."

[12:12] And I know that might sound opposite from what many people—"No, damn it, you know, this person's—they've got to do it exactly like this." Look, we know now that people don't do it exactly like everyone else. Everybody does it a little bit uniquely to their journey. But when we put so much that our recovered life has to look like this, it has to be like this, I have to feel like this, we are limiting ourselves to the greater possibility.

[12:58] I'm going to give you an example of this. This same business thing that I struggled with. I started waking up and I would say, "This is my intent. I want to be of service. I want to help people in this area." But every day, what was happening is something was happening with the outcome and I started to say, "Well, this isn't good. We spent X amount of money and this is the result? We did this and this was good?" And what I realized was is I had so much attachment to something happening the way that I saw it. And I literally said to myself, "You know what? I'm good either way. I'm good if it works out, that's great. If it doesn't work out, that's great too. If it works out in a way way better than I had expected, great. If it—if it is a colossal failure in other people's eyes, that's okay too. I'm good either way." Because I know my intention. My intention is pure.

[14:21] And let me tell you the interesting thing that happened with this. As soon as I said that and started practicing that—and the fear would come up, "Well, it's—they're not—it's not happening the way that I think it should happen"—I would say, "I'm good either way." More of an ease came into my life. I was actually working longer and harder, if you will. I was like, "Wow, I just worked 5 hours. I didn't even realize that. Like, I just put a lot of..." Because it became about the intent. It became about the joy of doing it, as opposed to the outcome of what I was going to get. And as I started to let go of the anxiety, things started to change drastically. So much so that I literally would sit down in a public space, and somebody would come up to me with the solution that maybe I was struggling with in business or life. I would start meeting people, engaging in them. Things started coming to me in order to get an outcome that I did not have to orchestrate.

[15:44] I see this a lot in recovery where people will come into recovery, and they have friends that drink and use. And they are so concerned that these friends are going to abandon them because they are sober. I always say, "Well, you have to maybe redefine what friendship is if somebody would abandon you just because you don't drink or use." But as we know, that's a process. And I will say to, you know, I will say to them, "Be open. Don't drink and use. Do the work that you have to do. Be good either way with it. If they choose no longer to hang around with you because you don't drink, be good either way with it." Sure, your intention is you would love to stay friends with them. You would love to be friends with everybody if you can. But if they don't want to do that, you're good either way. That relationship that you have, you're so worried—"Well, if I don't do this, I don't do this, they're going to leave. And if they leave, this means this"—you're good either way. "My intention is to be loving and kind. I'm good either way."

[17:21] This is the shift. This is the shift. Be good either way. What's one thing in your life that's totally torturing you right now? A business deal, a relationship, a financial worry? Set your intent. Play full out, do the work, and then repeat the phrase: "I'm good either way. I'm good either way." Say what you want out of it as the intent, do your part, and then tell the universe, "I am good either way." You're even—you're even good to receive something even beyond the greatness that you could envision. And even if something happens that you do not perceive or label as great or good, you're good with that too. Making the shift to be good either way.

[18:47] Thanks so much, guys. I'm going to wrap up this episode. This has been great. I would tell everybody here, if you've been listening to the pod, we have been growing the Recovered Life TV Network, bringing on different podcasts. If you are not a subscriber to Recovered Life, I would ask you to go to recoveredlife.tv. And one of the biggest things that you could do for me, if you're loving what we're doing at Recovered Life, is to give us a five-star review and write a nice note in any of the podcast networks that you happen to be listening to this to. Hope everybody has a great day, and I hope you live your best recovered life.